I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
