i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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