Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
