life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
