i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
