dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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