u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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