im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
