We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
