I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
