i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
