Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
