was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
In America we eat man semen.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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