can we get nightvision for the apartment?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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