she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
