god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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