Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My hand turned me down
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
