Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
