i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
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