Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
