Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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