it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
