My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
