so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
