i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
