We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
