listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
