Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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