i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
