they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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