I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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