What did we do last night that was yellow?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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