Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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