Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
