Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
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Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
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I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You were trust falling into bushes
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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