I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
