he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
