My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
