Nicole vs. Life
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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