i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
