I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
