Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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