I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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