Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
