3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
