I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
