Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
