Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
