I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
