who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
