i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
