I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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