Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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