sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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