whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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