Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
