if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
