It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
