If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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