trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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