Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
