I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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