College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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