I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
