fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
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I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Why are your pants in the freezer?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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