my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
did i walk over a car last night?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
