Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
